He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
