My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
