The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
