My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found a bag of teeth...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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