batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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