I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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