so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
