I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drunk walkin through police station. America
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
