so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
