dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
