new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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