I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How external is "for external use only"?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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