I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
