well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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