I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Don't make out with my wife yet
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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