My balls are so social today.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
