I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
