I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
