Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
