Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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