There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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