I wish I could teleport
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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