the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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