I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's Friday. Sex?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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