I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
