I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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