So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
