her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
