I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
