I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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