SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
