I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
