yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
