I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
