are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the condom got lost in my hair
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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