I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
