Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
