you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
