never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
