Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
