it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
