oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
