So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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