Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
