Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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