u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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