"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
