Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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