At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
