Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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