im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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