how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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