babies were throwing up all over the place
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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