It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Randomize
