Say something about gay babies.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
