HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
