I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
