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youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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