i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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