dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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