her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
