I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
