I'm drive I can fine osifer
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
