i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
