Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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