Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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