$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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