I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
