I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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