just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
