I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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