i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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