His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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