I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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