Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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